Happy New Year
A negative recap of 2013 would show that I spent my whole year invested in a dead beat 35 year old, fighting with my ex-boyfriend about my car, filing the inevitable bankruptcy, and losing the battle of love. A positive recap of 2013 would show that I got a new car, that I cleared my debt slate, that I now have aMaybe I didn't do as bad as I think. My life's biggest web of confusion were always because of matters of the heart. Lugo read my facebook message on Sunday, and he never replied. Better that way anyway. I just hope he sees how much better he can be if he just believed in himself. I am upset that I invested time, money and energy but I've never gone into anything head/heart first without doing that. I don't love half-assed anyway.
In 2014 I look forward to uplifting myself, building my self-esteem, and being the best I can. I look forward to forging meaningful relationships and living in truth and honesty. I look forward to enhancing the lives of others through small tokens of generousity. Whether a smile, a hello, asking "how are you?" or just giving a dollar where needed. The self-love that I need will have to be built from within, knowing that I don't have to chase love, love will find me, and remembering that no matter what, love always wins.
I look back at my posts, and there are so many gaps in between. When things were good, I forgot to mention that they were, and when they were bad, I poured my thoughts of negativity onto this diary, but there's no connection. How things got there, how it ended up ending the way that it did. Perhaps, if I could be as logical as I am in this diary and apply it to real life maybe I'd double my chances of being successful overall. I'll add that to my lists of do's for 2014. No more loathing, no more crying, we're going to start to year with a purpose and keep living in that purpose. God does not let us down, we let ourselves down by not believing in his plans. Here we go!
written on 12/31/2013 at 8:50 A.M.
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