Skeptic
So, Jose and I talked last night and he clarified his "disappearance" or lack of. I sent two text messages worth of insecurities to him(no I didn't hold my breath) without thinking twice. And I'm not sure if that was an attempt to guard my heart from the illusion of disappointment I had created from my own self-doubt or if I just wanted the instant validation that I was wrong. Because in matters of the heart, I like being proved wrong. Really, I do. I apologized and my whole mood changed because I had spent hours yesterday looking at my spam messages folder even though I sent him to the reject list. Counter productive right? But I just wanted so much to not have my brain be right, for a change. Needless to say I had hurt him. He felt awful that I had thought that way of him. And once I knew that I was beyond reasonable doubt after his explanation, I felt awful too.written on 08/12/2014 at 11:27 A.M.
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