Jane

I've seen Jose three times since he's been incarcerated. I have two more visits this week, the next one being tomorrow. These visits are good because they are no-contact. We can hug and kiss briefly before we sit down to chit-chat, but the whole time we are talking, we are facing each other. There are no distractions, except the doors slamming every now and then when someone comes in. Other than that, it's refreshing because I get to have real conversations with him. We're not touching each other. We're talking, in the raw. I can see his reactions to my questions, and he can see my reactions to his answers. Getting to know him during this has been such an experience. He is positive, flexible in his thinking, and a happy go-lucky person. He accepts his trash and he rolls with the punches. He has taught me a lot about myself. I am way too hard on myself, and the negativity is rampant. And he keeps warning me, I will destroy the relationship with that type of negativity. He couldn't be more right. Who wants to be next to a Debbie Downer? Nobody! So, I've got a few more weeks to work on that element of my personality. I am counting down the days, and hoping that he can parole to my apartment, but we haven't he hasn't heard back from the board. I have been standing on my own two feet for the last year yelling like I'm Tarzan that I don't need anybody but really I do, I want to be Jane. His Jane.

written on 10/27/2014 at 3:23 P.M.
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