Love & Affection
I deleted what I wrote yesterday because when I am writing while irrational, my entries sound like they were written by someone with Schizophrenia. And although this is supposed to be my safe space to rant and rave, I do worry that someone will come across one of my entries and wonder, what the fuck is wrong with her? Oh, but I wouldn't be offended any because I wonder that about myself all the time. So let's continue...The latest "pop up" drama in my life was brought to me by the letter J. Jose ended up having to get randomly drug tested by his PO because someone told her that he was smoking k2. I don't condone smoking k2, but it's not my space or right to tell him what to do or not do. I don't think his use was abusive or addictive in nature but you know, the rules are the rules. When your ass belongs to the DOC my first thought would be to play by rules as closely as possible so I can go back to my normal life without any hiccups. But that's just me, and Jose and I are not the same people. So, he's waiting for the results to come back and that will determine what happens next. I am praying for selfish reasons that they come back clean but I'm scared. Like, cat scared. Just when I start to have a normalcy in my life, here comes an air bubble to make things difficult.
Lugo had so many red flags and I still supported him through it all when he didn't deserve it. Being here for Jose doesn't cost me anything, so he if has to pay for the crime, then so be it. I'll be by his side. Here's crossing my fingers. xo
written on 08/29/2014 at 9:31 A.M.
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