So much for humble
Things have calmed down, the dust has settled and now I see things a little clearer than usual.Lugo unfriended me on Facebook a few days after requesting me. *eye roll* When I tell you my instincts are on point, I mean it. I've come to terms with the fact that I was the pawn in his scheme to get his life in order. I hope he really and truly is happy with his life now that he's finally with Pamela, because they belong together. And I mean that in nicest way possible. But what I have learned the extremely hard way is that I always need to stand my ground because if people see that I cave on my beliefs, they know that I will cave on myself and I've gone through too much and worked way too hard to let someone take what I have struggled for. To be independent, to stand on my own two feet is a blessing that I never thought I'd come to see. As difficult as it feels it means the world to me that I am able to go through this and not regret my decision to be on my own. What I do regret is letting Lugo live off of my rib when he didn't deserve it. People will be ungrateful and all we can do is keep doing from our heart, but know the difference between doing for someone simply seeking an opportunity and someone really needing the help.
As far as my love life goes, I keep bumping into men that aren't exactly turned on by the fact that I'm overweight. They love my personality but physically they aren't digging it. I don't understand it because I see big voluptuous women with boyfriends and husbands and here I am, just wanting someone to even want to talk to me on a consistent basis. Am I giving off the vibe that I don't like myself either? Probably. But I don't know how to act like it doesn't bother me. That whole fake it until you make it stuff just doesn't make sense to me. They say see with your heart and your eyes will follow. Well I'm fkcing invisible or something. No one is seeing me. So much for humble.
written on 04/10/2014 at 8:55 A.M.
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