grey hairs

Lugo is moving back to NY effective today. Although I'm relieved that I won't have to share my space with him anymore, I'm annoyed because I'm going to have to chauffeur him from the bus station to the apartment so he can pack and then I get to drive back home by myself in the middle of the night. Either way this needs to be over with.

I wanted to say no to him, but there's no such thing as my "inner" asshole. I can't be mean. Or maybe I can, I just don't know how to activate my secret power. I don't know. All I know is that when he goes back to NY he is going to be right back where he started and he's going to be staring into the mirror of repeats. I hope somehow, someway things work out for Lugo but for now, I don't see things going in the right direction if this is how he chooses to resolve his money problems. They say when you know better, you do better. I knew better. I knew that Lugo was never my friend. What I was for him was a temporary way out until he figured out his next move. He couldn't rely on anyone in his "circle" to help him out, so the next best thing was me. My lack of self love for myself, and my pity for him got the best of me. I got taken advantage of, and now I have to travel across the world and back just to get rid of the problem. I suppose in the end, this is all worth it. Lugo is nothing short of a never ending migraine and I'd be doing myself a disservice by chasing the headache. Truth be told, every situation that pops us keeps trumping the previous one because they are more outrageous than the last. How did I let myself become so passive that I ignored it? Had I pumped my brakes a long time ago, today would have never came, and quite frankly, I'd have 3 less grey hairs.

written on 03/24/2014 at 3:38 P.M.
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