Two weeks notice
As if shit wasn't complicated enough, my sister and I happen to work together, so escaping my own personal Alcatraz is not going to be easy. I have been trying to be civil with her but doing it in silence is making me resent her. On Wednesday night she offered to cook me dinner. I refused politely. She insisted and I refused yet again. When I got home she disappeared to my mother's for about ten minutes and returned back with tupperware full of baked ziti and sausages. My mother had made dinner apparently. My sister is conniving and with her there is always some scheme. She asked me to have some for dinner, I refused for the third time, so instead she said, "try it. Mom made it differently than I usually do. Do you think I make it better?" - cunning! I took a forkful of the pasta, then two. Fuck, it tasted really good. But then again, dragon lady was always great in the kitchen. She caught me eating another forkful and pulled the container away from me, "You're lucky I even think of you." Fucking A! I let it slide, went straight to the shower and retreated to my bedroom for the night. What is the secret behind maintaining a relationship but not "leading" someone on? See. I'm confused again. I'm not a man, and she's not a dating prospect. Why is this so complicated?Yesterday was even worse, after work I agreed to take her to the grocery store because we are having an office tailgating party for superbowl. Well, it's not really a party, they just want you to eat and go back to your desk, but nonetheless, we signed up to make ham & cheese sandwiches so we went to the store after work to buy the items. While we were there she kept harassing me. "What do you want? Do you need anything?" I looked at her perplexed but refused anyway. I need not be conned anymore, or else add her buying me groceries to the list of things I'll never stop hearing about. She then offered to treat me to dinner. My sister is just like my mother. She doesn't know how to be sensitive. She goes about "softening" things via bribing ... with food. I don't get it. I went to dinner with her, burgers because it was cheap, and I must have scarfed down my hotdog so fast that I don't think it ever had a chance to meet my stomach enzymes. I know, terrible visual. As soon as we got home I went straight to my room. I felt like a dick. I want my sister in my life, but not under these terms. I do what she says, when she says it. No. This can't be life.
But I feel like a wuss. Weary from arguing so I avoid it. Weary from stress, so I do whatever it takes to buy me time. I'm making a shish kabob out of my self. Poking holes just to have it all. And I thought I was going to man up about all of this. Good news is that I filed my taxes last night and the IRS accepted my federal. Phase one complete. Next to submit my application to the apartment. And then moving once I find out what I have to pay. I just need to be in my own safe space. I feel like I'm playing 'possum. I can't take this.
I suppose Lugo's text/call hiatus is over because I got a text from him. He says he feels calm. I can't wait to feel the same way. Two more weeks, two more...weeks.
written on 01/31/2014 at 1:41 P.M.
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