Dates & Lugo
Fruition - (noun)The state of completion
I've been trying my hand at being real with my flaws, meaning, I have spent years of my life waiting to do things because of my weight, like, going out with certain friends who have always been a little more fit than I, or getting on dating websites because I will probably be the only fat one in a group of available women listed for men's perusing. Point being, I kept putting things off thinking it'll come to fruition once I lose some weight. Well, here's headline for ya, I'm still overweight. I haven't weighed myself in weeks, I think I just don't want to anymore, but I'm not getting any younger sitting around waiting for miracles. And you want to talk about the trump cards that keep getting thrown my way? I got asked out on a date Thursday night by Daniel (someone I met off of POF), he was really ecstatic about meeting me and it was just going to be a hang out, etc, but by the time Friday came around he decided it would be date because he liked me "that much" (yes, air quotes). So, Saturday came around and we texted on/off throughout the day, I called my friend Tee over so she could do my makeup, on in the midst of waiting for her I got a text message from a White Plains phone number. Oh, who could it be? Yes, you guessed right! Lugo. I played stupid and asked who it was, his response, "The guy you hate, but act like you love." so I responded back, "what?". He confirmed it was him and within seconds of reading the text I felt my body turn numb. Here I was trying to put together my thoughts about moving on, trying sporadic "real" dating, and committing to working on myself and like Wile E. Coyote the anvil dropped on me. *Insert weird cartoon noises here* *see smoke*
Apparently he had finally gotten his phone turned on (with what money, er, dont bother asking) and he was back looking for my help, yet again. I was startled. I mean, my hands started shaking and I was just like, why ME, why must you keep reappearing when I decide I'm over you? and then I realized, what's the point of me losing my mind when I called the situation. Lugo will always need me before I need him, that's just how it is and how it will always be. I just feel like I am helping a lost cause, I really want to believe in him, but let's be real he has let not only me, and his family, but himself down so many times. I just don't even know anymore. I have no money to offer him, I have my own bills to pay, the best I can do is help him find a job... and the soft spot that I have for him really wants to help him at least do that. I know, I know. I know what's being said and thought. I know. But I just really really want him to get his shit together. I realize that I can't let it be at the cost of myself, and I promise, it won't be. Anywho, I still went on the date with Daniel. I did my best to exude confidence but I think at the end of the day he's really lost and distraught over the girl that hurt his heart. I think he just wanted to go on a date to make himself feel better (um, that's why I went on the date too..) but anyway, he was really vocal about it. I mentioned nothing about Lugo and what happened, I just responded to his story by saying that I am really sorry that he got hurt and that I can relate, and that he has to just get it together with himself (oh wise one!) and that was that. Overall, he talked a lot which was fine with me because I prefer not to be the one babbling away anyway, but he just seems to be really stuck. I'm no better than him in terms of heartbreak, but I just don't care enough to let anyone know that I'm suffering from scorned by love syndrome. Shrug.
The recap was a quick listen to his "music" (he's a "rapper" by hobby) and he gave me a hug and said, let's do this again, which translated to, probably not because again, I'm "out of his league". He barely texted me on Sunday but he did, throughout the day asking me "wyd" and whatever nots. That's a done deal as far as I'm concerned. As far as Lugo goes, he has been all over the place and has even mentioned wanting to come stay with me. Sigh. I need NOT to put myself in that predicament, right M?
Right.
written on 01/06/2014 at 9:48 A.M.
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